I am not who my
parents thought I would be.
I don’t make this
statement because I know what they expected of me and failed to evolve
accordingly; nor do I say so because I’m what our everyday society would
consider a ‘lost cause’. Personally, I think that I’m not too bad of a person
actually, you know, considering the ‘circumstances’.
I make this
statement because I truly believe that nobody will ever be able to be a
carbon-copy of what another person’s expectations of them are; perhaps one
could meet some, but I highly doubt all boxes will be marked as
approved. I mean, multiple individual brains think multiple individual things,
and therefore result in multiple individual ideals, right?
Key word: Individual.
So I imagine
my parents having a look at me for the first time. I resemble an overgrown rat-baby,
yet I’m the prettiest little thing they’ve ever seen in their entire lives.
They give me a name they think will look smart on report cards and resumes,
dream with glazy eyes of me being what they ’get right’, and begin babbling
about all they’re going to do so that I become a success story. The moment
passes and two hours later when I’ve wet myself, my mother wonders if she’ll be
able to change my nappy with her fingers crossed.
I’m sure that I did
well – maybe even exceedingly – for the first few years, as they told me what
to say when, to whom and why; as I did as I they wished.
Going into my
teens, I started to have my own thoughts and opinions, and so said what I
thought, when I thought it, and to whom I thought it needed to be said, because
my thoughts and opinion mattered, to me, damn it! They could no longer (or
would not have been able to, had they been there) control most of my actions or
reactions, through or by advising me. I became my own person.
We go out
into the world from a very young age.
You belong to your
parents/grandparents/fosters/adoptive parents/family (whichever applies) for a
very short time during which they can try to influence your direction of
growth.
Thereafter, you are
registered to a crèche, school or institution, which then takes over the
majority of your time and, in turn, then begins influencing your life.
You take with you
that which you connect with on a daily basis as you come into contact with
different people, elements, experiences and exposure, maturing uniquely as you
morph into what makes you ‘you’.
As you pass
through life, you meet various people who each play a specific role in your
life: educator, friend, colleague, lover, cousin, doctor, boss, or even
neighbour. You also play your own role in each of their respective lives.
And so we converse - share and
receive information – with one another, becoming part of some form of
‘community’ while simultaneously absorbing pieces that we draw within, as
contribution to our personal growth as individuals.
I have found in the majority of my
relationships with people, that once a certain level of closeness has been
sealed, sudden expectations begin to surface. Limits, boundaries and rules
emerge, in an effort to 'smooth out the rough edges' of the other that were not
completely 'agreeable' or 'ideal', so that the whole equation can become
'easier'.
In all honesty, most of the time, the
expectations are more along the lines of personality adjustments, which in my
opinion, is really rather unfortunate.
I mean, the reality is that we are
different people- we have different interests, different dislikes, and
different opinions, backgrounds and personalities.
I strongly feel that people who try
to enforce their ideas of what the next person should be like so that they can
in some way feel more at ease, are slightly narcissistic, selfish,
and quite insecure. I see no reason why two people should maintain a
relationship of any sort if one of the parties expects the other to change a
personality trait or who they are as a person in general. I believe that while
the one may change in order to hold tight to the relationship, the end result
will be a relationship poisoned with hate, remorse and bitterness. I also
believe that the person with the expectations will begin losing respect for the
one who does all the changing, for not standing up for who they are which in
turn, basically makes that person a walk-over.
I know that my parents would have
liked me to have the same religious or spiritual beliefs as they did. I know
that they would have loved for me to stay away from certain things that I
indulged in. I know that they would never have imagined me to be the person I
am today, when they first held me in their arms.
Like I said before, I am not a bad
person. I have been through a lot, and I have developed many learned behaviours
that I am currently working on.
On the other hand, I doubt my parents
thought that I would have to go through everything that I went through. I
actually think that they would be proud of my drive and strength. And that's
what my point boils down to.
People often have an idea of someone.
This idea, in itself, is often one littered
with misconception of minimal depth. The idea contains no common
knowledge or understanding in terms of 'background'. The intricate details of
that person are not known, and so how can that same person really be
understood?
We are who we converse most with, what we do and
read, what and who we associate ourselves with, who and what we love; we
are what we have 'experienced'. We are unique, and unlike any other,
individually. If we are expected to be a certain way or like someone else, our
growth is stunted.
We should, as a people, learn to appreciate one
another for individualism and uniqueness, celebrating our personal diversities,
instead of feeding this disrespect of assuming that one’s personal ‘way’ is the
‘right way’. We have walked different paths, and can therefore not possibly be
the same, or even very similar.
I am of the opinion that if we praise one another’s
uniqueness, there would be less insecurity and jealousy, resulting in fewer
expectations of others’.
A human being was not made to be an ‘idea’. Human beings
were made to thrive, excel, grow, love and shine.
Let us adopt a sense of gratitude for life, and for
one another. Let us respect one another’s story. Let’s practise acceptance, and
love for each other.
Let’s be who we were always supposed to be.
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